Dangerous

Detail: Clear Is Kind, Though Messy

September 1, 2022

We, on planet earth, are living in a dangerous time. Perils abound. Serious and immediate danger globally, nationally and locally. Vladimir Putin is waging war on the 40 million people of Ukraine. I am mystified by that all the time. Why? I have read the ‘reasons’, but I still can’t wrap my mind around it. At least 12 million have already fled the country. The rest remain to fight to the end. Why is this even happening?  Donald Trump continues to wreak havoc among us Americans. The planet is warming. What can I, as a solitary human woman, do about it? I have yelled. I have wept. I have worried. I have ached. I have prayed. I have spoken repeatedly with my elected representatives—actually, only to their “phone-answerers”. None of that helps or so it feels.

What tools are in my hands? What gifts do I bring to the table?  Suzanne Stabille, known as the ‘Enneagram Godmother’ who can be heard on the podcast, The Enneagram Journey, gleaned these 4 mantras from her study of the Biblical book of Jonah: 

                             1. Show up. 2. Pay attention. 3. Tell the truth. 4. Let go of the results.

I have been applying these mantras to the conflicts I witness between my grandchildren who hang around with me. I know their application is more universal than childhood fights. For me, at 71, as a practicing artist, these speak to me.

                  SHOW UP. Oddly, it’s harder than I thought. Bring the threads of my life, quiet the chatter in my head, clear off my table, refresh my paints, prepare a substrate, turn off the phone. Pick up the brush.

                  PAY ATTENTION. What now? Mark making. And more. And looking. And more. Back and forth. A conversation.

                  TELL THE TRUTH. The truth is I don’t know what I’m doing. I have some skills. I have a poor practice at best: inconsistent, undisciplined, ‘fair-weather’, herky-jerky, insecure. FINE. Nothing about my ‘practice’ reminds me of a ‘real’ artist. But when I do practice, I eventually like the end-results. I am pleased and satisfied. I put the brush down and sign the work. It is ENOUGH—because there is more coming. It’s not a definitive statement, it is a statement about process, not product. And that is the truth.

                  LET GO OF THE RESULTS. The letting go of the results is reminding my ego, largely driven by fear, to return to the back seat of this vehicle. I remind her that she does not get a voice today. Ukraine is being leveled. America is being torn. The planet is in upheaval. I have work to do.