Scared and fumbling, again.

I have sold paintings.  I have loved seeing and hearing the delight of the collectors who have handed me money for my work. I’m humbled and happy. I’ve collected sales tax to turn over to the State of Arkansas.  I’m happy to do that.  I want good roads and well-paid public servants—all the benefits of a civil society. When I was in business years ago, all these transactions were handled on paper through the mail. Now it’s all online and it gives me pause.  I don’t want to make a mistake.  I don’t want to ‘do it wrong’. All the things. When I get on the tax site, I get flummoxed afraid.

 So, I called the State. Brittany answered. I said, “Brittany, I need help.”  She brightened right up and helped.  She was clear and patient. She was kind. She helped me undo what I had already done wrong. She waited for me to fill in every last box and submit it.  She gave me her direct line and encouraged me to contact her should I need help again.  I can almost guarantee I will need her. I saved her number. 

 The part of my life that I love the most is the ‘making’ part. The rest is burdensome detail.  Record keeping, tax collecting and submitting, self-promotion, wrapping and shipping, tracking inventory, ordering materials, cleaning up. 

 But right on the heels of the ‘making’, connecting with people lights me up as well. Today, I was 9 again and insecure. I asked for help and got it abundantly. Thank you, Brittany. I am practicing this other gift—the hardest one.  The gift of receiving.

The home page that I passed through repeatedly on my way to successfully, and happily, paying taxes.